America, the land of the free, the home of the brave
   That's what I thought before I toured there
   You see, I've got myself being seduced by the sheer Americana of it all
   and I'd seen their images on television
   of Lee Harvey Oswald, John F. Kennedy's assassination
   and I thought "America is a violent place"
   And America is keen to trap you
   like you had giant tentacles that wrapped themselves around you
   until you couldn't move and you were trapped
   The land of the free, the home of the brave, guns and the Wild West
  
   Hey big fat cowboy, wearing your big Stetson
   Hey big fat cowboy, flashing your big six gun
   Hey big fat cowboy, singing country & western
   Hey big fat cowboy, is this the way that the West was won? Yeah
  
   I found myself in the back of a big Ford Thunderbird
   with a slick-looking dude
   He looked like a punk from a B-movie,
   the sort of punk that would piss everybody off
   until Lee Marvin put a bullet through his brain
   The punk looked over at me
   "Kinks? What kind of a motherfuckin' name is that?"
   Then he reached over and picked up the car telephone
   "Hey kid, I've got Elvis Presley's phone number.
   I've got Ann-Margret's phone number. I've fucked Ann-Margret!"
   I knew Mick Avory would be impressed with this, but I was not
   And then the punk looked over at me
   "I'll dial Elvis Presley" He dialed a number
   "Hey, is that you Elvis? I wanna speak to the Colonel.
   Jump to it, you mother!"
   And then he looked over at me in a menacing way,
   reached into the glove-compartment and took out a revolver
   He waved the six gun around, menacingly
   "You see kid, when I deal with people, they have to treat me right,
   otherwise they contend with this! A gun!
   Have you ever seen a gun before?"
   I hadn't
   Then he waved it around, put it back in the glove-compartment
   "Welcome to Peoria, Illinois, home of Middle America,
   ice-cream and apple pie, guns and the Wild West"
  
   All American wise guy, why achieve that gleam in the sun
   Hamburger and a milkshake, all American dude
   Popcorn and a t-bone, hot dog with a big smile
   and a bad attitude, yeah yeah yeah
  
   Flying across America on a TWA, flying to California
   to appear on television, performing our new record Set me free
   The Kinks were met by a union man with a contract to sign
   and The Kinks didn't like signing contracts
   "Hey, are you The Kinks? Sign this piece of paper guys!
   I want you to sign this union-document so you can appear on television"
   "No thanks mate, we don't wanna sign a contract"
   "You have to sign, otherwise you cannot appear"
   "We don't want to sign a piece of paper, alright!"
   "Listen kid, you sign the piece of paper.
   You with your red hunting jackets and your yellow frilly shirts.
   Sign the piece of paper!"
   "Do you wanna sign it?" He looked over at Dave
   "Watcha gonna do kid?" "Fuck off!"
   Which is a fairly reasonable thing to say in the circumstances,
   but not very wise, you see, the man was a union executive
   "Alright. Once I file my report on you guys
   you're never gonna work in America again.
   You're gonna find out just how powerful it is in America!"
   The land of ice-cream and apple pie, guns and the Wild West
  
   Great American union rules with the fist, a smile and a gun
   Great American napalm lights up the sky like the sun
   Great American eagle swoops down from the sky up above
  
   And I remember the images of Lee Harvey Oswald
   appearing on TV saying he was a patsy
   A union man is a-framin' The Kinks
   while I thought "This is the land of opportunity"
   But the Cosa Nostra are everywhere
   Land of ice-cream and apple pie
  
   Hey big fat cowboy, wearing that big six gun
   Hey big fat cowboy, singing country & western
   Hey big fat cowboy, moving that big six gun
   Hey big fat cowboy, is this the way that the West was won?
   Yeah yeah yeah
  
   And 6 weeks later Robert and Grenville and Larry
   were sitting in their office in Carnaby Street
   and the letter came from the American government
   It was from the American Federation of Musicians Union
   "A band known as The Kinks,
   the English beat group known as The Kinks,
   are banned from America.
   Their license to perform has been revoked indefinitely"
   Yeah, all the same fuck off
   in the land of the ice-cream and apple pie, guns and the Wild West